Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Why I no longer pray

Ever heard or read stuff talking about how it's possible to cure cancer with vegetables, or eating a vegan and/or glegan (gluten free and vegan) diet?
Well let me start by saying that aside from me thinking that is bullshit, a person with cancer wants only one thing- to survive. To live. When you think you will die, you want nothing else- to be assured that you will not.
When you are so out of hope, and it is so out of your control, sitting in a chaur and letting yourself get pumped full of chemo drugs doesn't feel like a fight. You feel totally helpless.

As someone who has worked in the church for over a decade, AND believes in God, there was one thing I thought. I had seen my stepfather die a horrible death of several aggressive brain tumours, and I was not too keen on having that same fate.
So on the feast of Candlemas, I asked God to grant me a second chance at life. If God gave me that, I would never ask for anything else again in my life.

I lived.

6 years later, I still say the offices. I still say the masses from time to time when I work. However I ask for nothing. I have not personally prayed to God in 6 years.

Some people ask me 'Well, why did God not give your stepfather a second chance?' That's not a question I can answer. I will never be able to.


So many Christians annoy me. there is so much they don't understand. They don't understand being in a desperate situation and asking God for your life. Asking God for a thing they understand, but then, it shows that they are of the world, not in the world and not of it.

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